Getting Tripped Up

This could be the invitation you've been waiting for.

If you’ve followed along for a while, you know all about my journey to a fibroid free body. It was a long journey that began with a spiral.

Today’s story may be a bit on the shorter than normal side, but I think many will be able to relate.

I have a friend who’ll I’ll call Mary. Mary was recently betrayed by those who she set out to dutifully work for, for many years. Mary was recently fired without just cause. I can say this forthrightly and boldly with holy confidence as I know her well and have had the honor of walking with her on this journey for more than a few years. So when I say this was an unjust release, I mean it. I know it. (She does too, and those who released her, by their fear of law suit know it roundly.) But Mary isn’t that kind. Mary is moving on. It’s hard. It’s painful. It’s been gut wrenching and at times I think it’s safe to say, spirit crushing.

Which angers her friend, me, most of all. For it is a great sin in my book (The Book of Fleur, Chapter 1) to crush a spirit. For any reason.

Mary is doing her best to moved forward, not looking back (no pillars of salt for Mary) and increase her faith knowing that indeed, God has a new direction for her.

Mary traveled abroad. Mary is smart. Mary sought beauty with friends even though she still grieves deeply this loss.

Today I learned that on her trip, she tripped. Mary wore some stellar platformed sandals with lots of cushion for good long walks without losing style. (I saw them. They’re awesome.)

Mary tripped off a curb and twisted her ankle. To add insult to injury, Mary was not drinking. Mary just tripped.

And this was the curb that broke the camel’s back.

About a year before I left NYC the second time (2 of 3), when my fibroids were becoming monsters daring passersby to congratulate me on my pregnancy, I was, to bluntly phrase it, in a bad way. I felt lost, alone, scared for my health, wondering where to go, and questioning my very identity in the creative world (terror for an actress). I think mostly, I felt utterly alone. And at this time it just so happened I went to lunch with a friend. We ate at a diner somewhere near Penn Station (another bad choice). I shared my fears and grief in front of her.

On the way out, I tripped down two shallow steps near the front entrance and fell all the way to the ground banging my knee.

Oh, that camel.

I burst into tears – ugly crying – in the middle of a diner in NYC for all to see. I didn’t even try to get up. I thoroughly embarrassed my friend who was not the type to do such a thing for she had her s--- together on a regular basis, and as far as I remember didn’t have fibroids poking out of her gut. She had to help me up. I remember her saying something to the effect of “Fleur!” (ie Get yourself together in public, sheesh, everyone is looking you embarrassment!) I guess she wasn’t wrong. I guess.

Mary has been crying. A lot. And after she tripped… well, you understand.

Thing is. After I fell apart in the diner… things started to turn around. And not of my own accord. God saw me; led me. And I did follow … albeit imperfectly. But He picked me back up.

What I mean to say is … sometimes I think God lets us trip, so that we’ll fall to our knees.

And when we finally know that we can’t possibly pick our own selves up, well then, He does. In our humility – whatever that looks like, whether falling to pieces on the floor in a diner or quietly in your hotel room after you’ve crawled back from the stupid four-inch curb, He rushes in and takes over because we finally admitted we were powerless to fix, cure, patch up, or solve anything on our own.

And when He does, and He does, we realized how futile the prideful independence is. It’s nice to have a Heavenly Father take over.

Perhaps all He requires is an invitation.

So the next time you trip and fall or “trip and fall”, consider it a reminder that God, in his infinite love, greatly desires to help you up.

And this time, you don’t have to go it alone.

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The Lord is close to the brokenhearted
    and saves those who are crushed in spirit.

The righteous person may have many troubles,
    but the Lord delivers him from them all;

Psalm 34:18-19

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When was the last time you were “allowed” to get tripped up, fall to your knees… Who lifted you up? Did you let go of your control? Did you allow the Holy Spirit to love you through it? I’d love to know (someone you don’t know probably needs to hear from you as well.)