What's Success?

The Big Fat Question Mark In The Sky.

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What happens when the waves come?

I have a confession to make. I’ve been squandering my time for a while now. I don’t mean simply that I have whiled away a few hours on Instagram (and that would be more than a few), I mean that in the months that I’ve not been working a “9-5”, by the grace of God, I’ve been given the huge gift of time. Tons of it. The time we all say we don’t have to do all the things we dream of doing. God has given me that time in spades.

I have been awakened recently to how I could have (and still could) use that time for better purposes. More Godly purposes. This isn’t a story about feeling guilty. It is a story about conviction and the mercy of God when, in His infinite goodness, He tells you that perhaps there are too many bits of Ruffle crumbs under the couch cushions and the hair balls from your dog and your own scalp are starting to crowd at the base of the stairs.

I have known this for a while. But I have been feeling more of being “spoken to” through my prayer, writing and long walks with Philly – all of which I’ve been doing much more. And funny, the more I do, the more I hear interiorly just what should be done.

One of those things? Pray more. Show up more in fellowship. Volunteer more. So I have been.

That works by the way. All of the above. In case you didn’t know or hadn’t tried that in a while. Do. Take some time (more than usual and on a usual basis) to be alone with God. I know I’ve been on this topic recently. But I do my best (quite imperfectly) to go whither the spirit relays. As I write this, I’m succumbing to chocolate covered cherries and a peppermint tea. I tell you this because that same spirit drops in the idea - just an idea - for the spirit is a Love and knows of my little delights, that perhaps fasting before attending Adoration might be helpful.

On that topic I’ve been attending Adoration more often. Praying more often. Listening more often. (She pops another cherry in her mouth and keeps typing.) It is truly the answer to anxiety (not the cherry, the Adoration of the Blessed Sacrament. Though the chocolate covered cherries – in moderation of course – don’t hurt. Unless you are a nutritionist. Then you’ll have much to say on that topic.) Stream of thought!! Get to the point, Fleur.

The first point is that when you show up for God. God will show up for you. Not to imply His love is transactional. It is not. It is everlasting. Does he show up for you when you don’t show up for Him? Yes. Yes, and Yes. However, your ability and awareness, your keen connection lights up with a deeper, fresher, and more alert awareness of what the Holy Spirit’s voice sounds like. You know it better. Your mind is more frequently renewed by Its truth. You are at code red – your receptors on high. The eyes and ears of your heart grow seven times larger, and every moment becomes an avenue for the answers you seek – or more often, the surprises you didn’t know you needed.

Case and point – THE point: After having been doing this for a few weeks – not even that long – I was doing something quite mundane. Not in prayer. It wasn’t even quiet. TV on. Making dinner. I specifically remember I was stepping on the peddle for the trashcan lid to lift. I threw something away in the kitchen and that’s when I heard it. The surprise message. Succinct. Short. Swift. Clear. Unmistakable. Filled with depth. Filled with truth.

You don’t need to be a success.

I was throwing something away. Timing is everything. The Holy Spirit is hilarious.

Throw away that life-long, ill taught, meant well, worldly idea that is KILLING YOUR SPIRIT. I, the Holy Spirit of Wisdom knows how you tick, Fleur. I know what motivates you and it’s not as Holy as you’d like to proclaim.

All those well intentioned people, your mom, your drama, vocal, and dance (well maybe not the dance so much) teachers, friends, co-workers who encouraged you from the moment you saw that little star on the door by saying “You’ve got what it takes to make it” (it’s written in my high school annual by my drama teacher), “You’re going all the way” (where’s is that, by the way?), “You’re so talented” (Blah blah blah), even the ones who told me I was afraid… all those wonderful folk who trained, reared, counseled and walked with me – many of whose idea of “make it” is seeing me on TV – helped me in the formation of: “Needs to Succeed”.

What’s that?

No, I’m really asking you. What’s success? Because I’ve just been tagged as a believer in it all my life and now am confronted, nay convicted, that this road leads to a big fat question mark in the sky. If it has an end at all. And there is no quantifiable definition.

I remember in college I once told someone I wanted to get to “the top of the ladder.” She asked me where the top was. Then she asked what was above that.

Thus seeds were planted.

Someone once relayed to me a self-realization that after being a child actor and going to New York they’d, in effect, learned to consistently audition for life. Everything done, every decision made was based upon whether they were “good enough” to proceed…at all.

That is hell.

I am convinced that only the Holy Spirit can convey a lifetime of memory, depth of understanding, symbolism, and mode of operandi to move forward in seven words or less, or none. (While not praying. At a trashcan.)

While you’re at it, Fleur…you can just chuck that lie into the trash with the carrot skins. (In case you didn’t put that together, the lie is that you need to be a success…at anything.)

This is a hard truth for this world.

Think about it! Nearly everything we hear and see is based on who you become. We even have “thought leaders” now. We have to be successful in thought? I’m exhausted.

Even G.K. Chesterton is known for saying that if something is worth doing, it’s worth doing badly.

Upon further thought, as a person who loves word arrangement, storytelling, and text… I notice (and the Holy Spirit knows I will) what was not said.

What was not said: You don’t HAVE to or WANT to be a success. Because – and here’s the confession – the Holy Spirit knows I believe (believed?) I NEED to be a success. And there is no blame. That’s the great thing about the voice of God. Always loving. Always delighting in you and understanding you without making you think you need to defend yourself. Only God can do that. He knows I was taught – in fact, was embedded with -  this “need”. Let’s add some e’s. Neeeeed. From what started as a love and a joy was hijacked by the enemy of creativity itself into something shallow and base:

Fame.

Doesn’t that just look ugly? I thought I’d dealt with this. Long ago. Trust me if I hadn’t there’s nooo way I’d live in a tiny town in Pennsylvania. So I get a few props for development of character… even if it’s been a slog.

But the Spirit, that champion of our souls, is lovingly relentless. Therefore, the fight will be won for Good.

So today the message is (instead of “famous”, because I have been acknowledged for said slog): You do not need to be a success. No one is saying you “can’t” be, or you “shouldn’t” be. Just saying you don’t NEED to be. Need is just so… so… needy. Needy is always unattractive. And you don’t even have to succeed in whatever it is that your crazy brain is concocting today.

So much of wisdom is counter intuitive according to the world’s definitions.¹

You don’t need to be… because, Beloved, you already are a success. Because… get ready for it… you ARE.

You beautifully exist. You are my creation.

Yes, according to the Spirit of Truth, it’s that simple. (Though not easy.)

What if today you lived from that point of view? There’s nothing to “succeed” in because you have already succeeded in God’s eyes. It doesn’t mean the children don’t get fed or, sadly, the lawn doesn’t get mowed. And yes, there are still goals and agendas and steps to be taken. There are still gifts and talents to be multiplied.² But what if you really thought about what success is in Truth? And that, according to Love itself, it’s not all it’s cracked up to be according to the world. (I watch what’s on TV, “entertainment” or the “news”, and seriously reconsider my ultimate desires with my talents.)

Anyway, go pray. Do. Perhaps show up more often than you have been. Grow the eyes and ears of your heart. Be alert. You might be pleasantly surprised at what you get to chuck in the trash by dinner time.

1. For the wisdom of this world is folly with God. (1 Cor 3:19)

2. Read the Parable of the Talents (Matthew 25:14-30). We’re definitely asked to multiply the talents we’ve been given.

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So what are your thoughts on this? Have you struggled with success? Do you feel pulled by what the world says you should be and do? I’d like to hear….